Tips for Parenting a Strong-Willed Child

Having a strong-willed child isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

Strong-willed children are often independent, determined, and have strong opinions. But they can also be impatient, argumentative, and even stubborn. 

Parenting a strong-willed child can be taxing and overwhelming, so it’s important to help them manage their spirited personality while reeling in some of the negative behaviors.

You can raise your strong-willed child to be well-behaved and respectful while still encouraging that “spark” they seem to carry naturally.

Let’s cover a few tips that can make things easier. 

1. Offer Choices

Most parents of strong-willed children understand the exhausting challenge of a power struggle.

Your child might have specific triggers, or they might try to turn everything into an argument. 

• For example, does your child argue about doing their homework every day when they get home from school?

• Instead of fighting about it, offer them a choice. They can do their homework immediately after school or wait until after dinner, but they can’t have screens until it’s completed.

Giving your child a choice (whether it’s about homework, what they want to wear, etc.) gives them agency while also setting boundaries and parameters.

It can make it easier to avoid meltdowns while teaching your child that they can think independently while still recognizing who is in charge. 

2. Offer Small Moments of Control

Speaking of thinking independently, it’s also important for strong-willed children to act independently.

If you don’t give them opportunities to do so, they’re more likely to act out in defiant ways. 

So, encourage them to take control in small ways.

• Let your child pack their own lunch one day a week.

• Let them pick out their outfit on Fridays, or let your older child present you with a presentation about why they should be allowed to drive the family car. 

These small moments of control can go a long way. They’ll offer a boost of positivity for your child while ensuring they stay safe.

You don’t have to necessarily pick your battles, but you do have to decide what you’re comfortable with when it comes to handing over the reins. 

3. Establish Routines

Routines are important for all children. But, they can be extremely beneficial for strong-willed kids.

Routines set expectations while providing a certain level of comfort and familiarity. They can also help to eliminate some of the biggest power struggles between you and your child. 

• For example, if your child fights with you nearly every night about brushing their teeth before bed, make it a part of their nightly routine.

• Don’t be afraid to get strict with these routines; it won’t take long before following them becomes a habit for your child.

• The routine becomes “the boss,” so your child is less likely to argue with you. 

If you are going to put routines in place, make sure to remain as consistent as possible with them.

Your child might try to negotiate some flexibility at times, and there can be room for that after they’ve stuck with what you’ve put in place for a while. But don’t give in to changes too quickly. 

4. Consider Therapy

Therapy can be a great option for a strong-willed child.

Kids don’t always know how to fully process their emotions, so they can act out in unhealthy or problematic ways.

A therapist can help them better understand their feelings while offering healthy strategies to help them cope. 

If you have a strong-willed child, therapy can help them understand where those feelings are coming from and how they can express them more effectively.

Don’t forget to prioritize self-care as a parent when you’re raising a strong-willed child.

Take the time to rest, manage your mental health, and consider reaching out for help so you can better understand the best ways to create more harmony in your home.