5 Reasons Why Kids With ADHD May Avoid Something

When your child with ADHD avoids something, it can be confusing. Are they being defiant or are they having a hard time?

In the past week of my group coaching program for parents of kids with ADHD, several parents brought up that their children avoid things like going to sports, social situations, and homework.

Understanding the reason behind why your child is avoiding something is an important first step to being able to support them. In this blog, I’ll go through several of the most common reasons your child with ADHD may be avoiding something.

It might be too difficult for your child

For example, if you ask your child to do their homework and they haven’t been able to complete it in the past because the homework is too hard, this may make them feel frustrated and overwhelmed.

They may even avoid trying because they feel like it’s too much for them to handle.

That’s why it’s important that when you are asking your child to do something, it is developmentally appropriate and reasonable that they are able to complete it.

You also need to consider how challenging the task will be before asking them to do it (e.g., maybe you can break up the assignment into smaller tasks).

It might be very frustrating for your child

Low frustration tolerance is a common sign of ADHD, but it can also be a problem in people who don’t have ADHD.

When your child experiences the discomfort of frustration-when something is challenging or frustrating, their body is flooded with adrenaline, emotion dysregulation arises, and it makes it hard for them to think clearly. This can cause them to react by doing things like avoiding what’s causing them frustration (like cleaning up their room).

If this happens regularly over time, your child may develop avoidance behaviors so they experience less frustration in the future

Your child might be worried about failure

If your child is avoiding something, it’s possible that they have a strong fear of failure. A fear of failure can happen in kids with anxiety, ADHD, or other kids who want to please others and their parents.

Your child may be worried about failing to complete an assignment in school or at work, or even something as simple as a goal they set for themselves.

They may have fears like: “What if I’m not good enough?”, “What will others think?”, “How will I look?” These worries can make your child more anxious than usual and lead them to avoid doing things altogether because they don’t want others judging them negatively if they fail.

Your child might worry about looking bad to you or others

Your child may also be avoiding something because they’re afraid of looking back to you, their friends, and/or teachers. Children with ADHD often worry about disappointing their parents, who have been trying hard to help them succeed.

Especially because kids with ADHD tend to face more criticism than other kids, they may worry about how others react to their performance. If your child is avoiding something because of their fear of looking bad to others, they may make negative statements about themselves or others.

For example: “I can’t go over to Tommy’s house because I’ll probably mess up again.” Or “I failed my math test! I’m such a loser.”

Your child may be doing something they’re more interested in.

Sometimes it may be a more simple reason why your child is avoiding something. Your child may be doing something they’re more interested in when you ask them to do something.

If your child is playing video games for example, they may be avoiding something that’s more boring, like doing homework or chores. When this happens, you can get into a power struggle with your child over having them transition from the exciting activit they’re already doing to the less fun task you’ve asked them to do.

Avoidance doesn’t necessarily mean that your child is being defiant, but it does help if you know how to support them.

Avoidance is a behavior that can be very difficult to understand, especially if you’re having trouble spotting the reasons why it’s happening.

It’s possible for children with ADHD to avoid things because of their ADHD symptoms in addition to the reasons mentioned above. For example, if a child has trouble paying attention in class, they may feel anxious about doing the work and end up avoiding it.

Another reason ADHD symptoms can lead to avoidance could be because they aren’t able to sit still or concentrate on what’s being taught. They may not be actively avoiding what you’re telling them to do, but may still miss out on instructions.

A third possibility for your child avoiding something could be defiance–they might just not want to do what you’re telling them to do. Many kids with ADHD often end up in a power struggle with their parents and can become more defiant as a result of their ADHD.

Conclusion

When your child with ADHD refuses to do something, it can be complicated to understand.  It’s important to remember that your child may be avoiding something because it’s too difficult, frustrating or embarrassing.

A good way to help them is by being supportive and respectful of their needs—even if they don’t want you there!

If you find yourself in this situation, try having an honest conversation with them about what makes them feel uncomfortable about doing something (like getting dressed for school).