What to Do About a Jealous Older Child

A jealous older child can feel like a common trope, but it’s no laughing matter.

If you have a child who was, essentially, the center of attention for a while, it can be a jarring experience for them to have to share the spotlight with a younger sibling. 

On top of that, siblings have different strengths, weaknesses, and personalities.

As a parent, you have to give attention and praise equally, and nurture each child based on their needs.

It can be difficult for an older sibling to feel like they aren’t getting the attention they want, or that they don’t have the same strengths as their younger brother or sister. 

Seeing your older child struggle with jealousy isn’t easy.

However, it’s not something you have to wait for them to grow out of.

There are things you can do now to set a healthy foundation for your jealous older child.

By putting strategies in place, you can help them work through their jealousy, build self-esteem, and even foster a closer relationship with their younger sibling. 

Acknowledge Their Feelings

One of the best things you can do if your older child is dealing with jealousy is to allow them to express their feelings openly. 

As a parent or caregiver, of course, you’re not trying to pay more attention to one child over another. But, your oldest might not see it that way.

• Don’t brush off their feelings or suggest that they’re “wrong” for seeing things a certain way. 

• Instead, acknowledge that they might be dealing with frustration, confusion, or even pain.

If your child is still young, they might not even fully understand how to process their feelings.

Helping them work through what jealousy is and what it feels like is a great first step that you can tackle together. 

Extra Attention and Reassurance

Raising a child is one of the most rewarding jobs, but there’s no denying it’s also one of the most difficult.

Maybe you are paying more attention to your younger child without really realizing it. 

If your older child is struggling with jealousy:

• Make a point to spend extra quality time with them and give them the attention they deserve.

• That includes one-on-one time away from the rest of the family.

• Consider having a “date” once or twice a week where you do something special with that child, alone. 

Quality time can go a long way in making your child feel special.

But, you should also use that time to reassure them of your love and how important they are in your family.

This time together can remind them of how special they are without comparing them to their sibling.

Encourage Self-Care

Self-care is important for everyone, no matter the age.

Encouraging it in your child can foster life-long healthy habits that help them prioritize their mental and physical well-being. 

• Self-care strategies can make it easier for your child to manage their feelings while learning about self-compassion.
  
  It can boost their self-esteem and help them understand they don’t need to compare themselves to their younger sibling.

• Just a few minutes of self-care practice each day can go a long way.

• Encourage things like exercising, taking deep breaths, or saying positive affirmations out loud. 

If your older child is still struggling with jealousy, there might be deeper feelings under the surface.

Consider reaching out to a mental health professional who can help your child bring those feelings forward and work through them.

Therapy is another form of self-care and can teach your child at an early age how important it is to take care of their mental health.

Don’t hesitate to contact us to set up an appointment soon.